秋收冬藏 Autumn collection is hidden during Winter

昨天很高興，能完成我的心願，聆聽去年秋令營的講道錄音。　
秋令營在去年十月初舉行，當中三講的第三講期間離營，其時決心補聽錄音。冬天的時候問了未有，後來我就不那麼勤力問了；直至上星期四晚上才借了，直至昨晚才聽了，也快半年了。　
回想起在營會的最後部分，是立志，寫下來的目標寄存在教會，想來也快要收到吧﹗我開始期待收到這「給自己的信」。　
聆聽講道的錄音，我最深刻的是第一講，我想說確認了我真的「不愛」母親。冰封三尺，非一日之寒。我同時也很慚愧，因為對她是有點憤怒。與她的互動當中常常動怒。希望我能改過。　
其實我都想自由的。希望我能與人恢復關係，和好過來。　
「焦點不是我的情緒，而是我如何對待那個人。」　
無聊一說，有關不愛母親，最令我擔心的就是，那麼我在結婚典禮上就不能真心地感謝我的母親的養育之恩了？因為常常看到婚禮上新人都會感謝父母家人的養育之恩。　
Yesterday I was happy, that I completed my plan, and listened to the recording of Autumn Camp last year.
The autumn camp was held at the start of October. I skipped the third talk of the three, and at that time I made up my mind to listen to it later on. During winter the recording was still not ready, and I did not ask at the library for it for a while until last Thursday.
After that, I listened to it yesterday night. It has been half a year.
I recalled that at the last part of the camp, it was a goal setting activity, and the aims were written and kept at the church, and should be mailed to each attendant around this time? I want to receive this ‘Letter to future me’ so much!
Listening to the sermons, the first was the most impactful to me. I think I really ‘love not’ my mom. The cumulated coldness has been for long. I could not help but felt sorry for my behavior to her that contains anger. It is confirmed that I am angry when interact with her. I hope for change in me.
I want to be free and restore the relationship in harmony.
‘Focus not on my emotion but how I treat the person.’
A side issue, that I think of about ‘love not my mom’, that I ‘worry most’ is that if I cannot authentically thank my mom for bringing me up at my wedding in case? It is because on weddings the couples always thank the parents and the family for bringing them up.