20121228 摺紙 draw something

我在計劃將自己喜愛的東西給別人時，一直在想，這算是什麼禮物呢？ 與人分享我喜愛的東西，雖然未知好看否，至少是我送給自己的聖誔禮物。 I used to care for something people totally forgotten. It has annoyed me. But is past now. I hope it is settled. On another note, today I remembered something really horrible. I am now convinced that six days is also called none. I was almost forgotten that episode, but now recalled. Is these days just for healing those days?

20121227 復刻版本 feedback

在生活的一些方面如家庭、工作、教會、義工、溝通等等一些方面的挫敗，以為什麼都做不好了，或者神已經放棄我了吧？不過這一次的Here and now的回應，使我發現，若能重拾最單純的相處之道，我還是能夠順服聖靈，做神所喜悅的事。(but not now ~_~)

20121226 會籍 membership

十分緊張應有未有的會員證和贈書，幾時才能去拿的了？ I want to get my membership and quarterly book ready to be picked up at Causeway Bay.

20121213 定位 positioning

有時母親在喋喋不休，而我覺得很煩的時候，我就當心。你也知我極想表達自己，遺傳自母親，如何令相同的性格特質卻以優點的姿勢出現呢？另一方面，我如何更有耐心專注聽她的想法，以示重視呢？至於她若有錯誤的想法，須要糾正，已是後話，當然好好地開解她能減少她令我難受的時候。 Promotion and marketing of existing trait.

第二次看星空電影的感想 The second watching of Starry Starry Night movie

因為一次唱卡拉OK，唱起星空。　 我向兩位朋友說起星空好看。他們都說說，我也想看噢。　 其實，我立刻就想，要買我也願意負擔。　 但是當晚，我卻前往租碟庫店，立刻租供來看。其實他們愛看不愛看也是未知，也不要緊，倒是我最愛看，那麼倒不如愛看的人多看一遍。　 當晚，我看後，覺得自己仍是長不大的。小時候以至青少年也許不能管大人的事，但現在我應完全有能力處理。所以也有點慚愧和擔心自己不夠好。和別人交心的壓力太大了，總覺得自己不太好，或者要很努力解釋也只能明與不明，很麻煩。　 一段時間後，原來朋友們都沒有看，結果。於是我也就放下，知道他們想看的程度。　 但是因為一次玩DIXIT，談起畫，我又想起星空。因為我沒有影碟，反而看電影後買了繪本，就找出來吧，送給朋友也好減省家中物品。　 Once I sang Starry Starry Night by Mayday in a karaoke. I wanted to recommend it to my friends, but I feel so insecure, because what I like people might not like, and what is the ground of my recommendation. What if they find it not very good? Maybe it is a story a like so much I cannot stand people not like it? That night I rented it to watch. My home DVD was a bit out of order, and then I watched it on the trasured gift, my new computer. That day I could not finished, so I continued with at lunch time the next day. Maybe I feel a bit red faced when recommending to others, because I myself hope to have understanding good friends like the main actor and the main actress, and it is sounding stupid to dream for a movie scene, and I do not want repeat the story of others anyhow. When watching, I think, I could be a really simple person. If every weekend I am to watch these movies I like, once, twice, I am still okay. I do not need any activities at all. Of course reading the same movie over and over for some time I will feel bored. Maybe I can read books then. I always come back to the things I like, and would enjoy repeating them. In the end, I cannot bring anything away.

路由 routine

20121205 兩難 The last repeat 不想寫任何新的事，生活有沒有比過去，重蹈覆轍更慘。不會，可以再接再厲。很不怕爛，應該是遺傳得來的。 20121208 續寫 The 最近生活的兩大打擊，令我有點謙和了。 有點不想寫這篇還是寫了吧。 有時不是特別想寫很爛讓好友那麼好給我看還是給嚇走。 I am a bit reluctant to write this but still it goes here.

20121204 1830 日記一刻 diary at flash light

剛才在等電梯的時候，差不多決定轉念前往劇本寫作班。就這樣走了，但竟然凱姐走出來捉我回來，就留下了。 有時事情就是這樣發生了，也許沒有什麽特別的意義，但也看到互動的關係。 我想說，按題畫畫，本來也是別人的興趣，但我就不可有這興趣嗎?其實畫畫也是我的興趣。只是因為隨意地問及同聚的人有沒有興趣一齊去玩著畫畫，還要時間遷就到呢。於是本來去畫畫就不能認識朋友但有友人同去就成了小圈子了。 Sometimes things just happened, but then it also was there without a meaning. I think I was really at the blink of leaving my role to my interest, although not talented or actually non productive. Do I care? Maybe my world is too small.

20121203 邊界 Read on

有更多擁有或沒有我已經漸漸更沒有所謂了。 然而這是否代表我能欣然接受上帝給我的路？ 讀創世記到亞伯拉罕，有點不能專心。 他跟隨上帝要他到的地方，要離開本族本鄉。 而我往上帝要我到的地方，是要離開我的現在的生活？ 或是要放棄離開？ 很難說。 不過我覺得我已好了不少。 不能說我已經不再自我中心。 但是也準備好，雖然我想逃避繁華。前幾天一度覺得明年就是應該到非洲一趟。 也準備好放下許多既定的想法。 很想遠離世俗，但是也許明年會多做一點世俗的事情。要練習不把信仰與生活割裂。 I am less rigid about what I must do as my calling. After all these years, I realized that it is that step that I cannot put to faith. The most defeat is that I can do nothing. But it is when I can do nothing I do not do everything in my way. It is something for me to look forward to. I am also finding that I do not have all the successful traits. Or even humble. But saying that I am not good is not to help. Turn the eyes before I go silent. And would it become another milestone?

20121202 有些事，如果沒有主動放手，只能被逼放手 Rediscover order and micro tidyness

今天也是休息很多﹗ 首要的任務就是返教會﹗到晚堂。 本來這說不上是任務。不過也就放下一些其他看似緊急重要的事就是了。 今天在想有關關心的事。 就是那個在天堂和地獄的故事，大家都是用很長的筷子，但是在地獄，發覺不能夾給自己，餓得要死了。 然而在天堂，卻是互相餵食，吃得飽又有說又笑。 有時我也發現自己在關心別人的同時，也有別人在關心我。 不是條件交換，出於自發的，大家都更好了。 今天的另一件事是規劃了今個月的收入與支出，因為年尾是更多機會支出的月份﹗ 時間方面，則不會規劃今個月而是明年了﹗ 好像遲了很多，本來應許一早就做了。但是也幸好還有最後一個機會給我把握。 It is times that these one or few long delayed things that I can finally do. It is the moment I missed out a lot but found myself.

非演員心聲 Never a professional actor no mention professional singer

突然很擔心明日的義工。 仔細地想，前年和去年在那裡一整天以後都病了。 今年已經大病過，不知還會不會因此而再來一次？ I think I fight for a chance, and I am granted more than what I should be suitable at. Thank you for the opportunity, and I finally admit that these lifes are not my air and water.