20101030 靈修扎記 Spiritual Journal

民 數 記 22:34 巴蘭對耶和華的使者說：“我有罪了，我不知道是你站在路上阻擋我；現在你若是不喜歡我去，我就回去。”
Numbers 22:34 Balaam said to the angel of the LORD, "I have sinned. I did not realize you were standing in the road to oppose me. Now if you are displeased, I will go back."
這個故事巴蘭明明知道耶和華的心意。不過竟希冀可以改變，達成他的名譽地位。還對救他的他騎的驢發脾氣。
In this stoty Ballam knew the perference of the LORD but looked forward that there would be a change to achieve his fame and ranks. Ballam even got angry to his donkey who saved him from death.

豁然開朗 貪新棄舊 失而復得 (Open-New-File)

豁然開朗
昨天突然有一個「我已經知道甚麼於我最好，為甚麼還在不適合我的圈子兜轉？」的感覺。事緣友人告訴我，你怎麼將潤唇膏塗出界了？看到我的嘴唇脫皮，雖然我有塗潤唇膏，我們稍稍討論。近期我用的是綿羊油護唇膏(台灣手信from姐姐)，我說，最適合我的是DHC，友人說，那款我也有使用，橄欖油嘛﹗我說，就是了。腦中想起近期沒有用DHC是因為手邊沒有，而手邊有的又不好浪費……然後就叮一聲出現「我已經知道甚麼於我最好，為甚麼還在不適合我的圈子兜轉？」的感覺。其實自從一年前一位友人遊日本送我DHC橄欖油手信，一使用我立刻就知道這是最適合我的。所以我去日本時也買了兩枝。然而其不好處是斷，融化了黏在蓋子上，遊日本友人送給我的沒有這問題，我自己買的兩枝就有，可能是夏天溫度較熱的原因，或是我弄跌跌斷。
昨天當友人提點我潤唇膏不要塗出界以及嘴唇脫皮要塗潤唇膏(或許現時用的不夠好)，我是有點躁(對自己)，為甚麼仍是這個缺點給人看到？然而直到出現「我已經知道甚麼於我最好」，卻帶來似曾相識的穩定感。
貪新棄舊
昨天友人約我燒烤，日期好像有甚麼做，看日曆表原來是騎單車，之後去燒烤時間剛好。但應承了後，才想起，好像說過當天下午騎單車後會像上次一樣去燒烤的嘛？本來留在原地與騎單車的友人燒烤是最好的，不用走來走去，不過想不起嘛。今天問騎單車的友人，說燒烤一事應該是火鍋，但還沒有落實的。那麼我不問了，就去應承了的燒烤吧。
失而復得
昨天報名表報到了。不翼而飛原來是周遊一番，是昨天最開心的消息。
OPEN
Yesterday, I suddenly felt 'I know what the best is for me. Why am I still lingering around where I am not suitable?' The story is this. A friend told me that my lip cream exceeded from my mouth line. She notices that my lips were peeling, and we discuss a while about it. Recently I am using sheep oil (Taiwanese souvenir from my elder sister). I told her the most suitable for me is DHC. My friend told me that she also uses it, she said, ‘Olive oil, right?’ Exactly! I am reminded that recently there is no DHC because it is not handy; on the other hand the handy item I shall not waste it – and then suddenly came into my mind was a thought and feeling, ‘I know what my best is, but why shall I linger on the circle not suitable for me?’ I knew the DHC since my friend gave it as a souvenir from Japan, a year ago, and it is suitable enough for me, I understood at first use. Therefore I bought two sticks at my Japan trip. There is one shortcoming. It breaks and sticks on the lid. The gift received had not such problem but those two I bought had. It might be that at summer the heat dissolved it or that I broke it by dropping on the floor.
When my friend reminded me to keep the lip balm shall not be out of mouth line and to put on lip balm when the lip is peeling (or could be the current one is not suitable), I was a bit annoyed (to myself) that I should have this weakness discovered by others. However when I got the insight that ‘I know what the best to me is,’ I had a stable mind as if I had before.
NEW
Yesterday my friend asked me to barbecue. The date was familiar it seemed that I had something. I checked the schedule and realized that I was going to biking. The barbecue afterwards would fit the time. But when I have agreed to go, I remembered that biking could be followed by barbecue as it had before. On the first place it was the best to go barbecue with the biking friends, thus travelling is minimized. I just could not remember! Today I asked biking friends who told me that the barbecue was hotpot. However, the coming up one was not confirmed. Therefore I shall ask not, and shall go to the barbecue as agreed.
FILE
Yesterday the application form arrived. It lost the way before returning to place. It was the happiest piece of news yesterday.

20101026 靈修札記 Spiritual Journal

<< Numbers 10:34 他們拔營起行的時候，日間總有耶和華的雲彩在他們上頭。
Thank you for being around with me.
<< Numbers 11:15 你既然這樣待我，如果我在你面前蒙恩，求你把我殺了，免得我看見自己的苦楚。”
This is when a leader wants to die.
<< Numbers 11:29 摩西對他說：“你為我的緣故嫉妒嗎？但願耶和華的人民都是先知，但願耶和華把他的靈降在他們身上。”
Be glad with others blessed by God.
<< Mark 5:38 他們來到會堂主管的家，耶穌看見許多人哭泣哀號，一片混亂，
What is the mess all about?
<< Mark 5:43 耶穌再三囑咐他們，不要讓人知道這事，又吩咐給她東西吃。
Caring the need of others to keep confidential.

考驗和學習 (Retake examination and follow up study)

談談在人格與靈修課程的跟進班的感想和引申吧。
回想實在慚愧，我在課程中有分心的時候。其中一課，我看到掌心上的一些紅色和格子紋，依稀記得從前所說的掌紋桃花，一方面煩惱一番，另一方面努力提醒自己要集中精神別要想這些預言占卜之事。
有很多課上，每每談到成熟的人的愛情，我總想起心上人，問自己能否成熟地愛別人呢？可以吧？特別是有一課談性別與愛情，所說的建立的關係不是停留在表面而是最深層的，我常想，既然我最重視最深層的，我會做到──在理論上而已，然後落入現實生活中，若真的面對，又一點都做不到了。而且又想起為了未來的另一半(如有)，不要再誤以心上人是mock的嘛。一直以來在喜歡這心上人的一段時間當中有一段時間真是很懊惱，因為我已經不想再鍾意d不會成為我的另一半的人，而竟然要受這考驗。不過我接受。
那次看「唯獨你是王」，說到大衛向米甲說的情話，是以像神的愛去愛米甲，看完後友人很感動，說如果她將來的男朋友能這樣就好了，所以她一定要找基督徒為男朋友呢。我看這幕的想法，是挑戰自己能否學習以神的愛去愛我的愛人，就告訴我的友人這想法。(後記：坊間多說女士較主動或表現出更愛男士是不好的，不論是基督徒或不是，所以，我都是抱著擔心會失望的心態進行這個學習。)但是一次友人給我有更大的挑戰，使我覺得十分痛苦，就是當我與母親如常有爭執或吵架後，友人鼓勵我要以像神的愛去愛母親，真是很難﹗當時我很想說，愛情和親情是不同的！但是後來，我也禱告能學習這個心態，要愛我的母親，而不是不愛。
昨天的祈禱會上，為一位出遠門宣教的友人禱告。其實我很羨慕她，很清晰神給她的方向。
我都很想以宣教為夢想，但是不是我的路向？
今天在禱告，領受是我還是需要進修愛情，需要更多學習。我的將來不是看掌心而預料，反而神已將我放在掌心上，將我的將來都安排好了。



歌詞:
祢創造宇宙萬物 統管一切所有
但祢卻關心我的需要 了解我的感受
祢手鋪陳天上雲彩 打造永恆國度
但這雙手卻甘心為我 忍受徹骨釘傷苦痛
祢公義審判萬民 聖潔光照全地
但祢卻一再賜恩典 一再施憐憫
給我機會回轉向祢

祢的愛 如此溫柔 超乎我心所想
這樣大有能力的主
竟捧我在手掌心上
祢的愛 如此深切 我知我無以報答
但願倒空我的生命
學習祢謙卑的樣式
背起我自己的十字架

20101024 夢 Dream

又是去camp？今次是跳水，在不太高的石頭跳下去。以及有很豐富的食物。
Camp again? This time jump into water from not too tall stone. The meal was delicious.

談天說地 (Tell me more)

談天說地
昨天早上的夢。
在空曠的大屋內有一張摺桌。有些人來來往往。
場景不詳，與情人在練習用言語描述感受。
今天早上的夢。
在舊屋的床上躺著談天，有點像兒時與妹妹的情況，不過今次是現時的朋友，兩個人再擠一個鄰床的朋友過來。有兩個雲南的團友經過，我問其中一個怎麼啦，他好像有點疲憊，不如讓他可在鄰床躺一躺，但從鄰床過來的朋友反對。
回到主線，三人去看電視，是一個她們說很值得看的電視節目，我們走過多個房間，找尋最佳的電視機。看到節目的最後，因為我想看完，稍為逗留，竟就失散了。但我也看不到結局，有點失落。找其他人好一會兒找不到，在大堂有人群控制措施，被問，你是不是去B區呢？往這邊走吧，這時似乎又與其他兩個朋友集合到一處了。

長洲旅途 (The Long Island Journey)

長洲旅途
終於上完人格與靈修課程兼跟進班的所有課堂。現時還有一個跟進班結業宿營，就完了，本來是明後兩天，但是，因為天氣預料不好而將改期，將會因而延遲結業。我記得這個課程的開始，我曾因為開課宿營所以沒有與小朋友去百萬行噢。這樣說來，這個課程是陪伴我走不少的路了。
嘉恩在msn問我覺得這個課程怎樣。前些時候我讀過了戀愛秘笈，我想戀愛秘笈是我為我的生命成長所以上的，而人格與靈修課程就是為我的戀愛而上課的。說起來另一方面戀愛秘笈我只上了初班和中班呢，還可以上高班，呀，較後時間將有一個特別班，怎麼沒完沒了的呢？
說到意料之外的延長，這個課程無端出現跟進班，使我措手不及。自從我受浸後第二年上生命的飛躍主日學，然後是戀愛秘笈相繼的初班和中班，當時戀愛秘笈還未開設只聞樓梯響的高班，都是想生命成長，將自己支離破碎的生活和生命整頓一下。(以戀愛秘笈為生命成長的課程，因為戀愛都是人生的一部分呀。)但直至上人格與靈修課程前，我就想，夠了，我不想做不停上課的人，就以人格與靈修課程作為這個生命成長課程系列的最後一個課程吧，想不到為時半年的課程快要完結時，導師說，還有跟進班，這可是晴天霹靂，使我猶豫著是否報讀跟進班，在同學室友的鼓勵下，我報讀了。完成跟進班後，(差不多完成啦，還有一個宿營而已，)才發現幸好有報讀。在跟進班我經歷了在原課程我曾經爭取不果的示範機緣，而且我猜時間和題目都是更適切給我的。多謝天父給我這個安排。
剛才我已經說過因為開課宿營而推卻一些也想去的活動，我可放人格與靈修課程在最高優先次序的，沒有缺一堂課。相較同一時段，我生命中的其他投入項目，相差很遠。
最後，都推介，但是不硬銷。我想，有心改變自己的人，能在人格與靈修課程經歷蛻變；但只要是有心改變生命，在各種各樣的課程都能有所得著。

20101020 3A1B的夢 A Dream with many ‘A-friend’s

20101020 3A1B的夢 A Dream with many ‘A-friend’s
昨天早上回頭睡夢。
前往觀賞表演。入大門口後轉右的有蓋走廊通往劇院。那是一個小型場地，像學校有些儲物櫃。程姑娘和希希都有去。我在排隊時進場時見到卜卜，這時突然很暈眩，當時在想，不能暈倒，努力支持著，就著牆沒有倒下。(夢境裡沒有出現表演節目，哈哈，可能因為版權所有。)在表演期間我走開了以致表演完畢後，我的背包物品仍在座位，有友人替我拿了交給我。看完表演後程姑娘和希希很趕忙就走了。晏彰在不遠處講電話，他一直在講所以我和他打招呼後沒有說話。
原來這個夢差不多所有人名都是A開始，這麼多A，是否可以說是「多啦A夢」。同埋所有A都沒有和我說話。B可能有說「你冇事嘛？」
A dream I had when I took a nap yesterday morning.
I went to watch a show. At the main entrance turn right via a canopy corridor to the theatre. It was a small venue, a bit like a school setting because there were some lockers. Atty and Athena went there too. On the corridor within the theatre building, a somewhat darker place, I met Bok Bok. At that time I felt dizzy. I thought I must not get fainted. I kept up. I leaned against the wall from falling down. (The show was not shown in the dream, haha, maybe for copyright purpose.) During the performance I left for some time, but it happened that I left until the show ended. Thus my stuff was still at the seat, and someone helped to bring back to me. After watching, Atty and Athena hurried away. I saw Akira speaking on the phone at some distance. I greeted him but did not disturb.
Three friends with their English names started with 'A' appeared there. None of them chatted with me. The other friend whose name started with 'B' might have said, ‘Are you all right?’

轉述的前因後果 The background and result quoted

午飯時友人問起我與母親最近的關係，我說，很差。母親越來越不喜歡我返教會，我告訴友人，唉，特別是母親怪責我因為返教會而不能識到男朋友。
友人稍為轉話題，問我，你返教會不是能結識異性嗎？
(er，咁係咪識到就一定是男朋友。)
說起來這可以說是神的保護，話說，我上次去印尼短宣十三人是全女班，只有一名男性長者。
說到這裡，友人的表情有點像「unlike」，怎麼在教會沒有適鹷的男性呢。
但對我來說，能免去一個不小心鐘意人，也許這樣更好我可以專心短宣。我又告訴友人，在教會其他人在事奉能識到男朋友的一個例子。然後友人好像感到很悶了，所以我們沒有再繼續話題。
談論當中友人說到，她認為若能與男朋友一同事奉就很好。
背景資料是她的男友不喜歡她返教會，遑論與她一同事奉了。
During lunch, a friend asked my relationship with mother. I said, very bad. Mom especially does not like me going to church, I told my friend, that especially I go to church causing me cannot find a relationship (boyfriend).
My friend followed on this and asked, could you not get to know people in church?
(Well, but get to know is quite different from getting a boyfriend.)
From my point of view, this is God's protection. For my previous short missionary trip to Indonesia, the team was all females and only 1 elderly uncle. At this time my friend gave an 'unlike' look, how come there is no same agegroup guy in church? I really think and deeply believe this can prevent me from any undesirable liking a guy, and I can then concentrate enough in the short missionary trip. On the other hand I told my friend an example of a pair coming from serving God together. And then my friend looked bored and we did not keep on the topic. During the chat my friend mentioned that how she wishes her boyfriend could serve God with her together. As background information, her boyfriend does not like her to go to church, not to mention to serve God together.

夢 Dream 20101016

今天早上的夢境是這樣：
姐姐與姐夫如常到家中的聚會。姐姐帶了雜誌來，雜誌附送很多贈品。我提議姐姐看看有甚麼要留有甚麼不要的，她就挑選一番，贈品都是各種類型的化粧掃，她揀選後我幫她收拾，不過因為太多，我還是弄跌了，跌得一地都是。
這時，弟弟告訴我們，小咪(我們所養的貓)的伴(在夢裡小咪有另一隻較小的貓作伴)跳下樓不懂回來，我們都意見紛紜，說，小咪一定不會貪玩跳下去，因為以前跳過了知道危險，然後，我們說，呀，不如叫小咪下去帶她上來，因為小咪從前也試過跳走了後又懂得上來，於是我們就放小咪在窗邊讓她跳下去。然後，過了不久她果然成功帶小小貓上來，還由一班中學生粉絲跟著。
就在她踏在最後一片木板時，我就醒了。
The dream I had this morning:
A&J came home for family dinner as usual. A brought with her some magazines with loads of souvenirs. After she selected which to keep, I helped her to put them away, but because there were a lot, I still could not managed and fell all on the floor.
Then, E told us that the friend of XM our cat (in the dream she had a younger cat as mate) jumped down and could not find the way up. We had various comments. At last we decided that we should try let XM to help the other cat to come back.
XM successfully completed this task, and also won a group of secondary students as her fans.

葡萄成熟時 (When the Grapes Reap)

看到成長是最令人欣慰的事之一。
青少年愛滋教育中心有一個義工祈禱會葡萄樹，每月舉行一次。最初是牧者及一群基督徒為機構和中心總幹事程姑娘代禱，現時的形式改為增加義工之間互相代禱服侍。
程姑娘曾笑說，有些來到這個祈禱會的人，在生命的瓶頸來到這裡，喘息過後收拾好，就會走了，重新上路。
我初次聽到時，覺得很可惜和難過，心裡怪責他們沒有回饋這地方。
後來卻漸漸改觀了。
青少年愛滋教育中心早期訓練的一位藝人愛滋病大使，現在沒有出席機構活動，我說，那麼也不再算是他們的代言人吧？但其實那位藝人，成為國際機構的愛滋病大使，也沒有忘記在這裡受的訓練，而且曾在有關訪問中提到在機構受訓。
原來取之社會用之社會，成長後是否留在這裡不是最重要的。
如此我經歷了擴闊眼界，這也是成長嘛﹗多謝程姑娘。

助人自助 Helper for helping myself

助人自助　Helper for helping myself
終於完成話劇。
10月2日的出營，是為帶話劇。
記得當初我要做道具的時候，還真在思考是否應問問友人的意見，好像有兩個單位是幕後，特別是場景製作的友人。不過，這個劇的服裝道具場景，好像不用問人也能想到嘛。總之覺得有其他人可以幫忙我想想就寧願找人幫忙吧。
最後也沒有做很多華麗的場景或道具或服裝。是團隊內的其他成員幫忙比較多，而一點也沒有找那些幕後的朋友幫忙，所謂殺雞焉用牛刀。
I have completed the drama.
On 2 Oct I left the camp for the drama.
I was to coordinate the setting and props and wardrobe. I think should I ask my friends who are familiar, supposed to be, especially who made the whole setting the other time. However, for this one it seems no need to ask others because I should be able to think of it.
Finally the team helped. I did not find the friends I at first thought of for consulting.

「挪威之旅」

「挪威之旅」

昨天，我在煩惱明年暑假的出國看來會變成溫泉之旅吧(即泡湯、沒有了的意思)。

然後，出席了一個慈善活動的報告會，是說一趟越南之旅，也是如何讓人看得見的活動，是幫助一些失明的孤兒，透過與一些視力正常的青少年製作一些可觸摸的藝術品，讓前者看到世界更多。

聽這講座的時候，我哭了。雖然出國是我的「夢想」，但我真的因為差點忘記這夢想而不夠努力；當然不去也沒有關係的，然而我也想要為了我的夢想努力一點才像樣嘛？但是我哭是因為常常為自己煩惱為自己患得患失而慚愧。

我有點掛念在印尼的小孩子。

也有點掛念在香港的小孩子，他們可以看到這世界更多嗎？在每次的見面，可以向你們傳達更多嗎？